King Totebagger?

If you don't live within AM-transmission distance of New York, you likely haven't had the misfortune of hearing Leonard Lopate's bloated blather. But you know the type: the radio host who congratulates you at every opportunity for having the necessary taste and education to tune-in to his show and to eschew the vulgarity mindlessly accepted by the unwashed masses. Add to that template some New-York-is-the-cultural-capital-of-the-world claptrap and you have Mr. Lopate's show.

Hosting an NPR-affiliate radio program is not sufficient condition for being a totebagger. Garrison Keillor is a huge, stinking pile of totebaggery, but Terry Gross is not. Lopate distinguishes himself not only by drawing attention to himself with every breath, but also by oozing an obsequious fealty rarely seen this side of James Lipton.

As if all this were not quite enough we now have Lopate's biography in which he informs us that he studied painting with Mark Rothko, but not that Mark Rothko committed suicide when Lopate was 15 years-old. Best of all we now have his Friendster profile, a veritable bible of totebaggery. Can you guess??? Does he enjoy "ANY Shakespeare"? How about The Elements of Style? Are Bach, Mozart, and (wait ... something contemporary, too ...) Philip Glass his favorite composers? Is he a fan of Hitchcock and The Bicycle Thief? Take a guess as to where he stands on the hot, burning issue of "Culinary Delights of All Kinds." Yet it is his response to "Who I Want To Meet" that sets new totebagging standards. Does he want to meet interesting people? Kind people? Unusual people? Generous people? Creative-and-Intelligent-yet-heretofore-unrecognized people? Hey -- how about HOT CHICKS?? Does Leonard even want to meet hot chicks?

No ... Leonard has "met pretty much everyone of importance already."